No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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