The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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