I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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