Define "chronic" masturbator.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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