Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
