Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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