Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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