i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
