Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
