ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
