well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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