party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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