make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
