I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
