listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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