Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
