the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
