she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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