I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
