I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
