I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Randomize
