i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Randomize
