census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
