HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
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