I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I got inside last night via doggy door
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
