I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
