This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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