Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
