Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
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