i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
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