i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
