Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
