We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize