I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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