He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
