On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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