weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
