haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
