So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
she pinky promised me she was 18
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
