well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
