Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
