I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
