She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
