Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize
