he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
