based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
