someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize