My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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