i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
