dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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