that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
