You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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