I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Your mouth is God's brothel.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
