you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize