i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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