i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
