Someone shit on the floor
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
