quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
