i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
