We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
