If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
