she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
