oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Randomize
