Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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