I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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