Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
