I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
