I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
