i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
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